DeathSpank – 1. Dispensing Justice

It’s time to dispense justice!

After Shank, it was time to tackle this gem. Now, before you say anything, the game is simple, somewhat dull even. What saves it is the awesome humor. Without humor, I would play it for an hour and probably leave it. With it, I will probably complete it soonish.

DeathSpank Art

DeathSpank, a true Hero!

Anyways, our hero, DeathSpank, was looking for a powerful artifact, called “The Artifact”. He was lead to it’s location by a young boy, but they got ambushed and the boy got killed. He managed to finds the hut of the witch who allegedly holds the artifact, but she said it is stored in the nearby Demon Cave and I have to get a few items before going there.

Long story short, I helped a lazy fisherman, saved a little girl’s lemonade, err, I mean potion stand, killed a bunch of little monster thingies, destroyed a huge slime, stole cherries from a farmer to color some white horns red and give them to the witch, kicked the crap out of some demons, literally and eventually entered the Demon Cave. I got The Artifact, in spite of warnings from a guardian monk and went to give it to a mysterious red haired girl that asked me to get it (the motivation).

Before I managed to do that, I was ambushed by Orque and two of his orque bullies, got all of my stuff and the artifact stolen and left on the road. The red haired girl found me, told me where the nearest town was and said I should help the town with an orphan issue. I went there, got a new sword from an old retarded grandpa in exchange for an extra spicy taco, kicked the orque bullies’ asses, and got my gear back, then I saved two of the orphans, gave an escort to a merchant, killed Orque, cleared a monastery inhabited by very loud monks, hunted some Blinks, killed swamp donkeys in the swamp, explored two caves, killed some pipsqueeks and bigger pips, found another Demon Cave and found another girl in there.

The demon guarding her actually wanted me to kill him so he could be free of her, and soon, I found out why. She wouldn’t get in the bag so I could save her. She said I have to give her candy first before she will be getting in any bags, so I had to go buy candy at the town store. I was ambushed by orques on the way there. I gave her the candy and then she wanted a cell phone, so I had to go buy a cell phone at the town store. I was ambushed by stronger orques on the way there. Then she wanted a pony so I had to go buy a pony at the town store. I was ambushed by bigger orques on the way there. After all this, she said she wanted a daddy. I would have been touched by this, but by that time, I really, really hated her. Even though DeathSpank is prohibited by law to have children, he decided to be her daddy for a day and finally got her into the bag. I went back to town and left the game.

You can probably expect an update tomorrow.

“The evil of devils cannot compare to the evil of men because men are jerks.”

– Some Jerk